apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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