I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
