had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize