I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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