allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize