watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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