i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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