We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
