Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize