Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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