I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
