I wanna bring you to show and tell
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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