The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize