I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
