I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
