First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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