Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
