its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
