my mouth tastes like poor choices
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
