can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
