Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
