I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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