If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
now i know why i became what i already was.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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