I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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