It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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