You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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