Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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