The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
