; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
