Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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