it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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