quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
