the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
