so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
