I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
