i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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