i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
