Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
