I heard we made out
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
