apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
