My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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