Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
