Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
