you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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