I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I did not marry a roomba.
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