During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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