I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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