Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
