She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize