my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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