so that wasnt chicken after all
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
