Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
