The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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