I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
