she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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