I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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