Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
