I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
