You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
