His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
