I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
