If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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