Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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