i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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