I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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