oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
