remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
