Swine flu. Run for my life!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
