Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
