I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
