Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
